Its been awhile, got to know some people after army, attended st. theresa's father arro's 50th golden birthday bash, archbishop was there, vern as usual made everyone sing, people melted, came together, rose to great heights together, vern made archbishop sing (omg!), attended carraige bar's idol at carraige bar near mt. elizabeth. 12 singers, the women came in tops. brian was there, so was doreen, as well as a few other celebs, pretty smashing all in all. Singing for vatican artifacts at asian civilization musem tomorrow, choir prac tonite.
The past few weeks and months have been outrageously emotionally exhaustive. one of the pitfalls which have been hard to avoid has been to call on her, ask after her, still not too sober whatever we had was over, snap! just like that. She says that there was a point of time which reversal was possible. I tried. Guess we're better off without each other. When i fall asleep or wake up, i think of her, imagining it was her that was next to me, wishing that bolster/pillow that i had hugged too tightly for a boy of my age, to animate itself and maybe hug back. Facades. Its always SO very very hard to forget someone you have loved. Guess the next best thing u can do is fall in love again, or forever wall your heart, its defences evident of insecurities we've been hurt by before.
Ever wanted to reach out above the clouds? ascend way beyond the limitations society and family/friends set you? to break free and attain liberation of body, heart, mind and soul? we all do. we are but only mortal, however, we have something invaluable. It is free will. be it god or whatever you believe in, free will is the embodiment of applicable liberty which is the here and now which affects our lives every single moment of its entirety. every turn u take, every move u make. negligibility is but its own subjection, hence is valuation itself. perspectives serve to equalise as they have, always.
Boy do i need some structure in my life, spread yourself too thinly, and you will inevitably discover that you have compromised depth for perception. argued abit with dominic heh. Something u can use when u argue with people is the exact opposite discipline of itself. the closer or more detailed a person speaks about something, the faster u can pick out faults at the subject. Touched on marxism and democracy, communism as well as imperialism, basal fundamentals of religion as well as some sociology. Apparently dominic dislikes those who do not argue and are able to, simply because they have done an elementary level of a cost benefit analysis, and found that it was better to exhibit serenity over doing whatever that was in their power to accelerate change, be it for themselves or even for greater reasons.
But oh well i did sort of argue with my evasiveness. Fight Depth with Perception they always say, and the two will equalise should u prefer whichever conflicts to leave the combatants unscathed. Prides may hurt though, subjected to how much either party is willing to actually be hurt. Should people try to argue with you based on scope, pinpoint points u want to question and do away with scopial approaches. harvest doubt with tact and subtlety. reciprocate to clarify both points made by him and yourself. that is of course, just slightly advanced squaring off. further improvisations enable u to use what the opponent has said against himself. basal questions can be very disturbing should u discover how to employ them with tact and guise it with a twist of eloquence and unassumingness (well, also attainable thru honest/anticipated thought and speech)
Sometimes, when u overanalyse something, it loses its worth and value, not because those are essentially lost, but because analysis breaks down one huge chunk and dissects entirety. but oh well u know us humans, we'd keep analysing because we think it brings us to higher levels. maslow's heirachy of needs has been overused, and also, debunked with the circumstances to today's world. Man has to analyse religion, something intended to be way above him, of course he only unravels confusion and dead ends. likewise, people question maslow of his ascension laws. Is it not possible for us to want to attain self actualisation above pragmatism? Is it not possible to derive love and then pragmatism? Is it not possible to jump processes? =)
it is queer how maslow leaves out the human spirit in his parenthesis. the spirit to love someone can be so overwhelming that u put other factors aside. the need for self actualisation can overwrite basal physiological needs(feats of sheer humanistic will, marathons) and even fuel u further should that be the goal you will want to attain. it almost tethers alongst borderline cynicism should i be bold enough to offer my opinion.
human spirit has to be the singular most unanticipated, spontaneous yet consistent element of change. the systems of today around us all whisper it to us when we sleep and awake every day.
i think i better write with a structure inn my next attempt to coerce something fruitful
ugh i need to piece my sanity together again, help, anyone?