no.

i never dreamt of the wierd possibilities u made me out to be. nor have i side analysed people that way. nor have i abhored people for their circumstance. never will i say i am this way just because. then again. if u do ponder. and also if i am the hypocritical fence sitter i am made out to be, i will say generic infallible statements to garner good faith. i do not.

if u think i hate him because he has a girlfriend. then u dont know me well. (whats so great about her, really)

if u think i hate him because he has a broken family, u must be nuts. (as if i dont have one)

once again. if u feel you arent one to generate bias upon circumstance. what makes u think i do?

so someone decides to send u a log (he is faultless for what i deem to be a minor infringement) and you are shocked? (why not with him?)

i may covet true happiness and a warm family. but never to the point of soulful oblivion, thank you. still i will be occupied supporting myself. coming to my empty bed. falling asleep drunk with could have beens i have been yes, weak to fufil (should i truely have been able to)

when u earn 1.2k. and pay 400 for rent. 120 for your bills and pay off a japan trip and are left with nothing. seriosuly. u dont have time for angst. you would be nervous over pettier needs like a roof over your head and whether u have enough pocket money for school next semester.

i dont think u fathom this side of life. army may be close but not close enough.yes, work hard now. no one is saying you shouldnt. but it doesnt mean u are exempt from other struggles in your life. and please stop saying its a choice i made. would it be sane to say it is a choice u made to pursue your studies? (with no consideration other pre-requisites have already been made, to allow u to?) those pre-requisites i need to tackle right now. choice is an intricacy pretty complex to analyse. broken down, it is easily deludes the analyser. results garnered are still fallible by invigorated information.

this never was about those people. somehow if u bring it there. then there already has been much u have chosen to not say, when a friend should have.

and no. this definitely does not feed any egos of mine. its quite a piece of suffering to be in where i am. never will i feel fending for one's self in a critical age makes me stronger than my peers.

you dont see the weakness within. (maybe not even for you)

yes you are right. dota is a test for me. typing sheep to remind someone to coordinate teamwork isnt really a flame. nor typing blink to someone else who forgets he has it. if its a game to be fun for you. then dont be affected by what people say. simple. just say victor is like that lor. just write it off. same what. i also write how people play off. never will i say you are good or lousy with calculated thought. games are flurries of impulses. everything is forgotten when it ends.

true friends fathom. lets try. not for convenience, nor just because, nor because we've been friends from acquaintances for so long. nor because we're lazy to know other people. (sometimes understanding that people chose others over us for greater reasons is a humbling virtue as well)

oh and i was being yelled a bastard or an idiot quite loudly on your birthday in front of all your friends and family. to have 20 pairs of eyes on you sux. so i left shortly after. no i didnt talk about it. i tried to fathom. (surely it was an impulse. nvm. friendship>all)

fear only what u fathom. else they be phantoms.

friendship ftw.