Grateful.

Victor and Vanquished says:

yes but even with a job
it dont take away the pain
from a broken family
estranged dad
submissive mum
i cut myself from him.
i dont want his fucking house
nor his dumb fucking will.
i dont need all that dad.
i need u to love.
your kids.
your wife.
stop using them as plaforms to put down just for your ego boost
stop convincing yourself ur a great dad
stop falsifying an alternate reality to your friends
stop lying about me
stop going to my tution kid's house and telling the mother i am a bad tutor when the kid gets distinctions
stop saying u love the family
stop thinking that just because u provide for a family that that = u are a good dad.
stop thinking that just because we dont feed your fucking ego that we disagree u are a good dad
just stop trying so hard. yes your idea of a good dad is shallow
but its not as if we wanted more from you
we never ask from you
we never demand anything from u
is it not enough?
is it not enough u dont give me any money when i end jc.
is it not enough i have never asked a single cent from u
for 5 years
and u kick me out of the house u so desperately cling on to
u tell me u cut off everything when i have been paying my own bills
u call my gf a slut when she sees the jem in me and spends more time with me?
u had to insult her family?
grow up dad.
period.
stop trying to fly off to shanghai for chinese new year just so people forget me.
i make too much of an impression. people we know all like me
they will know.
stop defending yourself
stop telling yourself u have a bad son
stop forcing people into a corner and then when they pwn your silly outbursts with one or 2 sentences
then u get so frustrated and offended
stop saying this son will die when he leaves your protection. he never had it from u. and u never gave it either.
one year now he's left your house
he's okay.
he's grown up abit.
made friends
worked log hours
this son started working earlier than even you.
grandma didnt kick u out when u were in a critical age?
then how do u think its fair i leave just to appease you
i left to show u that u arent as great as u think.
i survive as testament to the bad father u are.
i survive for my friends
i survive to experience life
i survive to know more about the people around me
i learnt my glib from you
at first all was rosy
how did u pervert such beauty of father and son to such depths?
never will i want to know anymore
traumatise me u might have
stronger i have become.
when u pushed me i stood my gound
when i pushed back u fell
u bled.
i saw fear in your eyes
fear in a father of his son
then it must be undone.
for a father who fears his son is not worthy of being a father.
that perversion said much about you and what u believed in
enough then.
off i go
greener pastures await
the pain has not ended
the toil is not done
but with this
u have reinforced my resolve.
in many twisted ways.

thank you dad.